Depression. I've heard that word so many times. It's been used so many different ways. I don't think it's quite fitting in many cases. Maybe it's just semantics, but I feel depression is a chemical imbalance causing severe sadness, while what most people feel is...
melancholy.
Melancholy is such a fitting term for how doctors describe depression. Listlessness, sadness at times, but mostly just... numbness. Lack of feeling but not lack of sensing. One can live their entire life melancholic, I know I have. It kind of feels like a dream, not necessarily a pleasant dream, but not unpleasant. Not sad, not happy. Not suicidal, yet no vigor for life. The truth is...melancholy, sadness, depression...they are easy. They are easy to slip into, just as one slips into the bed sheets at night. It's warm. Comforting. Familiar. Safe. The habit of melancholy is hard to break. I don't know if I even want to. I've developed into the person I am because of it. For better or for worse, it has irrevocably shaped who I am today. Perhaps not all for the bad, for melancholy lends itself to deep thought, I find introspection a common part of my life. I think it allows for a deep appreciation for beauty, a slower pace to life. And in a strange way, a relief of stress, a calmness of the heart...
...sinking deeper into the void.
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