Guilt

I feel so heavy. I feel weighted down by my ever present demons. It's like I am constantly being pulled closer to the event horizon of a black hole inside me. The black hole of my past, and it seems to gain mass with every incessant mistake, pulling me closer and closer into oblivion. I can't remember a time before the guilt. It must have been nice, I must have been free. Guilt has a way of shackling the feet. It enslaves your heart, constricts your lungs, choking the life from you. Guilt is a much different feeling then sadness. I feel sick, absolutely disgusted with myself and my actions. It's a feeling deep in the pit of your stomach, in the depths of the bowels. It never leaves. Its always there, always ready to remind you how truly pathetic you are. Whenever you are starting to feel more confident it slams you back on the ground. It is a terrible thing, something I fear will never leave me. But that seems to be the path I've started down upon, the path that has chosen me. Perhaps someday the chains of my guilt will finally be broken. Maybe one day I can be free...

...sinking deeper into the void.